Chinese New Year 2011

Happy Late Chinese New Year to those who actually reading this. The Chinese New Year atmosphere for this year are rather dull comparing to the previous years. At the very last working day at Kumon, I left my trusty cell phone at my table before we close the centre. I realise that after I reach my house. Imagine a life without cell phone and no internet line in your house, Wonderful isn’t it? It gave me and absolute solitude…

As some of my friends know, I’ve just moved out from Klang Utama and my current living place is at Southern Park. Within a time of a month, my whole family have to fully move out from K.U to S.P before Chinese New Year. The preparation are rather rushing and we worked our asses out until the night of Chinese New Year Eve. The reunion dinner was nothing to talk about. Comparing with last year having dinner worth a few hundred ringgit at a pretty grand restaurant with my father side family, we had our reunion dinner at my mother side grandmother’s house this year with some simple dishes only. Such massive changes was caused by a very particular person that trying to monopolize the game and my family were more likely being kicked out from the game.

First day of Chinese New Year, woke up late in the afternoon. Missed out the visiting at Dato’ Lee’s mansion. Someone baked cupcakes there I wasn’t able to taste it. Too bad~ Spent my day one with my family visiting both father and mother side’s grandparents house. Until night time, I get to meet up with my fellow brothers at Teoh’s house. Get to watch some magnificent fireworks! Later on, 8 of us still went for a Project-D session at Blitzone until 3a.m. something. Get to sleep only by 4a.m. something. The next morning still need to wake up early.

Day 2, my birthday also. Get to visit some of my friends in the earlier of the day. Until 4p.m. something, I was rushed by my bro back home to build a new hut for my dogs. We got it done by around 9p.m. After my dinner at my grandma house, a birthday cake was served to celebrate mine and my mom’s birthday. I rushed for a second round at Station1 where my fellow buddies prepared a surprise celebration for me. I appreciated it a lot. The next round was just a chill out session at Jason’s house. We get to go home by around 3 a.m..

Day 3, with ex-librarians. Met up with them at GenSoon’s new house at Meru area. Participants of the day was Me, ChinSiong, GenSoon, NeeJian,  ChingGeok, LihYing, YeeVon, and an unexpected newly recruited member LiQing. And another unexpected incident is they actually prepared another birthday cake for me and also for ChingGeok as her birthday is coming soon as well. ChunFai joined us later on, after that we go on a tour on most of the participants’ house like we did during the past few years. The last stop we visited would be the Kapar area. Those who lived in Klang area went back earlier by around 9p.m.. I unloaded everyone and went to join my fellow brothers for a second round. We rendezvoused at Edward’s house and we to other’s house for a couple more visiting before each of us went home to rest.

Day 4, with Kumon staffs. I had Bak Kut Teh with them in the morning while waiting for Kelvin’s return to his lair. After visiting Kelvin’s house, we went to JG’s open house to feast on the legendary Nasi Lemak prepared by Mrs.Hui. We continue our tour for more visiting while JG & BK joined us later on. By 7.30p.m., we stopped at Ms.Lee’s house for dinner and the participants who made their way until here would be Me, JG, BK, BS, CW, KTF, JE, ML, WL, SY, CY, PY, and AN. The final stop of the day would be ML’s house. We received Andpow from her for the very first since she was just married last year. We dismissed rather early this year by around 1a.m..

Day 5 and the following days of CNY, college started people get busy. I still do some visiting with my friends though but the plans are quite random. Until day 15, I courted the value of my Angpow this year. The amount are rather surprising compare to last year. Happy but it still not enough to cover my college which had been bugging me. That’s all about the CNY year 2011, hope my passion to continue this blog will not fade away again so soon. There are stories to tell…

Night of Fire. 9/1/2011

Being unable to withstand waiting for some pending result that already negatively hinted to me, I finally made up my mind to make it clear once and for all. Knowing that something must be done in this very night, I rejected all the invitations by my fellow friends just to make sure myself well prepared for tonight.

On 8p.m. sharp, I went out to get my dinner and also to scout on whether is she at home or not. My prediction was right, her car wasn’t around. As the place was super near to Mr.Lian, I asked him out for dinner as well. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that my car has already out of fuel and it broke down in the middle of the road. Luckily I still able to steer it to the roadside and did not cause any traffic problem.

I called Peter for help and luckily his respond was a positive one. Around 20 minutes later, he sent us a litter of petrol and dashed off as he’s in a rush. Funny but true, that litter of petrol is still insufficient to start my engine. Being out of choice, we have to trouble Alex’s brother to fetch us more petrol. That another litter of petrol barely helped to start the engine and we proceed to the nearest petrol station with caution. Credits for Peter and Alex’s brother.

We went for our long waited dinner after that. The time was around 10p.m. when we were about to leave. I scout on that area again while fetching Alex home, her car was there! I stopped by Alex’s house after he went into his house. I texted the particular her (let’s call her “K”) saying “I got some souvenir for you from my Langkawi trip” and I told myself in 10 minutes time if she reply, I’ll make that move; if not, I’ll just go home. Fortunately, she replied faster than I expected saying “you may come now”.

Nervous I am while approaching her resident, I reached her house gate and I gave her a miss call. She came out with a new hairstyle(different from the last time I saw her) that fascinated me, an evolution that I had expected. I handover the chocolate that claimed to be souvenir but actually it’s just an excuse tool I use to meet her. I know I was there for a confession but I just don’t know where to start. I was so nervous to the level I hardly can voice out.
I asked her whether can I have the chance to get along more with her.
She replied “Har!?(confused or barely listen what I said)”
I asked again, then I see her dad peeping us from the inside of the house and flee away, she got distracted from my question.
I gone nuts and asked her in a much straight forward way: “I wanna court you! do you accept!?”
She took a deep breath and start talking saying that actually she already noticed about this but it would be ridiculous if she just came to me and says that she doesn’t like me. She explained that she believes her timing isn’t here yet and she’s not ready to commit herself into a relationship. She added that it’s not like I’m a jerk or something that’s why she can’t accept me, it is a fact that both of us just know each other not for a long time only and there is an age gap, so there isn’t much we can actually talk about. We no longer work or study at the same place and the chances we meet are so low. Even if she really did give me a chance that night, how long the relationship can be maintained is another problem. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship simply because one of the partner desperate for it. She advised me that it is better I stop my feeling towards her before it gone too deep and it’s not worth it since she doesn’t feel the same way. “I’m just an ordinary girl and nothing’s special about me, there are still plenty of girls that is better and prettier than me out there, who knows you might found a more suitable one?” says K.

Somehow, I agree with what she says. That’s why I didn’t bind my mind set to what I desire and let it go. It is a relieve to know how she actually thinks about this case and I no longer bind to the uncertainty. I went back with an understanding feeling and miraculously I did not cry. It is an honour for get to chat with her outside the gate like that but I guess that is the first and also the last time it would happen. Still, I think I’ve learned a lot that night. I still can smile to her while saying good bye.

However…

Days later, I felt so lifeless all the time no matter I at home, work, or college. It is more likely that I’ve lost the aim of my life and nothing around me seems interesting. A question that I’ve been asking myself for a long time…

“There are people who I care and they ARE important to me, but for them, who am I?”

The song that playing in my PC when I finishing this post:
Ba Ai Fang Kai – F.I.R